We Have Found Ways to Make Death Entertaining, But Have We Learned to Make It Meaningful? I’ve had these thoughts and ponderings year after year since Eden died, as soon as spooky season comes around. At first, I thought I was just sensitive. Nothing new there. I would see creepy mannequins of the little girl…
Tag: Loss
Cherry Blossom Love
And just like that, we stumbled, we bravely charged, we dragged our bodies, and ultimately we survived an impossible 5 years. I like to think God innately created us toa) make sense of the things around us and b) find connection as we move through life. Infant loss has made these 2 things nearly impossible….
Man of Sorrow
It has been over a year since I have blogged. I have been continuing to write but anytime I think to write in blog form for the “world” to see, I hold back. Unlike most people in my circles, I am heavily immersed in grief culture. Books, interactive journals, podcasts, forums etc. My finger has…
Eden’s Well – Living water will flow
When I was first inspired to write about my loss, it was with the hopes of building a proverbial bridge. I wanted to open myself up so I didn’t feel so alone. Well meaning condolences were uttered now and then leaving me feeling so very misunderstood, writing helped me feel unified. I haven’t written in…
The 95 day threshold
Sometimes we say things only because they sound right. I’ve said, “Now that Marigold is here, I couldn’t imagine losing her!” But that is just not true. I can imagine. And I do every day. Tonight I had a bath with Marigold, Nathan put on her jammies and I fed her as we rocked in…
Life is.
August 3rd last year was the Friday before a long weekend. From nearly every corner of this continent my friends and family gathered to grieve with me and support me. Texas, Carolina, Saskatchewan, Alberta, Kelowna + Kamloops… Friends left behind families of 5 on a long weekend, or canceled and rearranged flight plans just to…
Crown of Life
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, because having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12 It’s hard to believe that one year ago today I only had 2 days left with Eden. A pathetic 48 hours rather…
Three gifts Eden has given me
Day 4 in our pilgrimage. One year after we introduced Eden to this world, we are left to retrace our steps- a pilgrimage through the 95 days of the year where we had all of our babies safe in our arms. Both blessing and curse, I wake up with reminders through Google photos on my…
Third Day
I haven’t written much since Christmas. The winter, as I anticipated, was harsh. I felt alone, and confused, the nights are long and my patience short. Although fresh fronds, shoots and buds have awoken as the rest of this hemisphere ushers in spring, I find I am still braving the cold. Springtime song-birds sing their…
Ruin & Restoration
I don’t think the term mixed emotions suits the situation. Conflicting emotions. Combating emotions. Anytime I feel like I have a solid foundation on the matter, the soil begins to sink and I am once again left treading water. Regardless of any conflicting emotion, Nathan and I are joyful and thankful as we announce the…
The Brokenhearted Territory
At some point in our lives we will all experience heart break or loss. Though our losses are different, we are able to recognize them in each other. We may speak from different landscapes of the shattered heart, but we can still aim to bless each other from that shared territory. The brokenhearted territory. How…
Our Love Story
I wrote a book for our daughter Aspen, when she was first born. I even got it printed for her. I wanted a little story for her to read one day about how her mommy and daddy met, fell in love, and started a little family. Enjoy. Mommy and Daddy fell in Love with the…
Two World’s
New Years hit me hard. I have been in a fog for a few weeks, unable to make sense of the mess of emotions that go on in my mind. My family got me into a writing class for those dealing with grief. All of my creative juices have been channeled into that course since…
So this is Christmas
Yes, the blurry photo is intentional. Everyone warned me that Christmas is difficult. Those who have lost a parent or spouse, experiencing their first ever Christmas without their loved one – always seemed like more of the typical holiday grief. I never had a Christmas with Eden. I never had a lot of things with…
Places you have come to fear the most
I have kept a journal since I was 13. My first journal was a 3-ring binder that I duct taped the outside of, then wrote BRITT in block letters on the cover. I would write a full loose-leaf page or two every day of grade 9. It is beyond embarrassing to read back on those…
Disjointed
I did not feel like writing this week. The next 10 paragraphs are completely disjointed. The absence of flow in this entry could be symbolic. I am all over the place this week. Constantly feeling conflicting emotions. So forgive me for the following fragments of thought. We had to acknowledge what would have been Eden’s…
The Valley of the Shadow of Death
Sometimes I will be talking to Nate, and he will say, “that’s a good thought, write that down!!” Content for this blog often comes from conversations Nathan and I have. People close to us ask how we are doing in all of this. Statistics for divorce in marriages that face the loss of a child…
The Fine Art of Scraping By
I always knew I would start a blog someday. Fun themes like, navigating life with three daughters under 3 years old. I had dreams of including cute photos of my girls as they grow up, fun recipes for busy moms, tips on gardening, journaling, maybe home renos or marriage. But not this. Anything but this.
