And just like that, we stumbled, we bravely charged, we dragged our bodies, and ultimately we survived an impossible 5 years. I like to think God innately created us toa) make sense of the things around us and b) find connection as we move through life. Infant loss has made these 2 things nearly impossible….
Tag: Jesus
The 95 day threshold
Sometimes we say things only because they sound right. I’ve said, “Now that Marigold is here, I couldn’t imagine losing her!” But that is just not true. I can imagine. And I do every day. Tonight I had a bath with Marigold, Nathan put on her jammies and I fed her as we rocked in…
Three gifts Eden has given me
Day 4 in our pilgrimage. One year after we introduced Eden to this world, we are left to retrace our steps- a pilgrimage through the 95 days of the year where we had all of our babies safe in our arms. Both blessing and curse, I wake up with reminders through Google photos on my…
Third Day
I haven’t written much since Christmas. The winter, as I anticipated, was harsh. I felt alone, and confused, the nights are long and my patience short. Although fresh fronds, shoots and buds have awoken as the rest of this hemisphere ushers in spring, I find I am still braving the cold. Springtime song-birds sing their…
Evidence of Eden
Shortly after Eden passed, and I was starting to merge my way back into the real world, I recall wishing for some kind of visual indication that I was in mourning. Historically, bereaved men and women would wear a black arm band to signify their recent loss. I think this is brilliant. Whether you like…
Ruin & Restoration
I don’t think the term mixed emotions suits the situation. Conflicting emotions. Combating emotions. Anytime I feel like I have a solid foundation on the matter, the soil begins to sink and I am once again left treading water. Regardless of any conflicting emotion, Nathan and I are joyful and thankful as we announce the…
So this is Christmas
Yes, the blurry photo is intentional. Everyone warned me that Christmas is difficult. Those who have lost a parent or spouse, experiencing their first ever Christmas without their loved one – always seemed like more of the typical holiday grief. I never had a Christmas with Eden. I never had a lot of things with…
Eden’s Memorial
On August 3rd, 2018 we had Eden Alexandria’s Celebration of Life. It was held at Northview Community Church in Abbotsford BC, Canada. It only seemed suitable that I would deliver the eulogy. She was only 3 months after all. No one knew her better. When I walked into that sanctuary that day, everything became real,…
The Valley of the Shadow of Death
Sometimes I will be talking to Nate, and he will say, “that’s a good thought, write that down!!” Content for this blog often comes from conversations Nathan and I have. People close to us ask how we are doing in all of this. Statistics for divorce in marriages that face the loss of a child…
Like Sea Billows Roll
A little information for those who do not know my story. Eden is my third daughter, she peacefully slipped away on July 29th 2018. Nathan and I put her to bed, happy and healthy the night before, and at some point, in her regular 5 hour stretch, Jesus took her home. She wasn’t sick. I…
Eden's Garden 