We Have Found Ways to Make Death Entertaining, But Have We Learned to Make It Meaningful? I’ve had these thoughts and ponderings year after year since Eden died, as soon as spooky season comes around. At first, I thought I was just sensitive. Nothing new there. I would see creepy mannequins of the little girl…
Tag: Death
Cherry Blossom Love
And just like that, we stumbled, we bravely charged, we dragged our bodies, and ultimately we survived an impossible 5 years. I like to think God innately created us toa) make sense of the things around us and b) find connection as we move through life. Infant loss has made these 2 things nearly impossible….
Man of Sorrow
It has been over a year since I have blogged. I have been continuing to write but anytime I think to write in blog form for the “world” to see, I hold back. Unlike most people in my circles, I am heavily immersed in grief culture. Books, interactive journals, podcasts, forums etc. My finger has…
The 95 day threshold
Sometimes we say things only because they sound right. I’ve said, “Now that Marigold is here, I couldn’t imagine losing her!” But that is just not true. I can imagine. And I do every day. Tonight I had a bath with Marigold, Nathan put on her jammies and I fed her as we rocked in…
Third Day
I haven’t written much since Christmas. The winter, as I anticipated, was harsh. I felt alone, and confused, the nights are long and my patience short. Although fresh fronds, shoots and buds have awoken as the rest of this hemisphere ushers in spring, I find I am still braving the cold. Springtime song-birds sing their…
Evidence of Eden
Shortly after Eden passed, and I was starting to merge my way back into the real world, I recall wishing for some kind of visual indication that I was in mourning. Historically, bereaved men and women would wear a black arm band to signify their recent loss. I think this is brilliant. Whether you like…
Ruin & Restoration
I don’t think the term mixed emotions suits the situation. Conflicting emotions. Combating emotions. Anytime I feel like I have a solid foundation on the matter, the soil begins to sink and I am once again left treading water. Regardless of any conflicting emotion, Nathan and I are joyful and thankful as we announce the…
The Brokenhearted Territory
At some point in our lives we will all experience heart break or loss. Though our losses are different, we are able to recognize them in each other. We may speak from different landscapes of the shattered heart, but we can still aim to bless each other from that shared territory. The brokenhearted territory. How…
Two World’s
New Years hit me hard. I have been in a fog for a few weeks, unable to make sense of the mess of emotions that go on in my mind. My family got me into a writing class for those dealing with grief. All of my creative juices have been channeled into that course since…
So this is Christmas
Yes, the blurry photo is intentional. Everyone warned me that Christmas is difficult. Those who have lost a parent or spouse, experiencing their first ever Christmas without their loved one – always seemed like more of the typical holiday grief. I never had a Christmas with Eden. I never had a lot of things with…
Grief 101
Again I feel as if I cannot take credit for any concepts in this post. (Or the once youthful cliff jumping body I used to have) Although I have had many of these thoughts prior to reading about them, the validation behind them is from the research and experience of another. I was told about…
Places you have come to fear the most
I have kept a journal since I was 13. My first journal was a 3-ring binder that I duct taped the outside of, then wrote BRITT in block letters on the cover. I would write a full loose-leaf page or two every day of grade 9. It is beyond embarrassing to read back on those…
First Man
Nathan and I haven’t been to a movie in years. The lifestyle of uncomfortable pregnancies, newborns, and chasing toddlers doesn’t lend itself to finding the time or energy to put on pants and go out after 8pm. Telus had a promotion about two years ago where we received two free movies passes. We finally used…
Disjointed
I did not feel like writing this week. The next 10 paragraphs are completely disjointed. The absence of flow in this entry could be symbolic. I am all over the place this week. Constantly feeling conflicting emotions. So forgive me for the following fragments of thought. We had to acknowledge what would have been Eden’s…
The Valley of the Shadow of Death
Sometimes I will be talking to Nate, and he will say, “that’s a good thought, write that down!!” Content for this blog often comes from conversations Nathan and I have. People close to us ask how we are doing in all of this. Statistics for divorce in marriages that face the loss of a child…
Like Sea Billows Roll
A little information for those who do not know my story. Eden is my third daughter, she peacefully slipped away on July 29th 2018. Nathan and I put her to bed, happy and healthy the night before, and at some point, in her regular 5 hour stretch, Jesus took her home. She wasn’t sick. I…
The Fine Art of Scraping By
I always knew I would start a blog someday. Fun themes like, navigating life with three daughters under 3 years old. I had dreams of including cute photos of my girls as they grow up, fun recipes for busy moms, tips on gardening, journaling, maybe home renos or marriage. But not this. Anything but this.
